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22 Nov

How To Deal With A Breakup [Ultimate Guide]

Article By Cloé Vaz-Wiggins

Image by @ayshld

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been through my fair share of breakups. From romantic ones to friendship ones, and let’s not forget about those professional ruptures too because those ones sting as well! They’re all so different, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they all suck and a lot of the time they’re deeply sad and extremely painful. I’m not sure if there’s ‘a way’ or ‘the right way’ to deal with a breakup, but what I do know is that there are a few things we can pay attention to that can help us navigate through our feelings towards disconnection in a healthier manner. 

Let’s start off with some real talk: Eventually, YOU WILL BE FINE. It may not be in that moment, it may not be within the next few months or years, but remember that nothing lasts forever (even though during times like these it’s the hardest thing to believe).

So now about the actual breakups. I dived through my inventory of breakups to write this for you, and yeah, I’ve got a catalog of them so let’s get into it. I experienced a breakup where the guy I thought was ‘the one’ cheated on me (multiple times might I add), then another one where we were simply on different pages (probably not even in the same book!). There were a few friendship breakups where the people I thought would be by my side for life are now no longer here and then there were ‘work’ breakups, where I poured everything I had into my role and I just wasn’t valued no matter what I did. They either broke my heart or broke my spirit, and in some cases both. It nearly always felt frustrating and infuriating and the majority of them felt like the end of my world. Granted, not everyone is as dramatic, but sometimes it really be like that (I’m sure many of you can relate).

So, what do you do? How do you move on? How do you heal and take care of yourself enough to rebuild the pieces that feel broken and move forward?

Firstly, allow yourself to grieve. This part right here is KEY and it’s something a lot of us don’t give ourselves enough grace to do.  Breakups are not the thing to brush under the carpet and leave unresolved because, believe me, it will affect everything that comes ahead of you. No matter what kind of breakup you’re going through, allowing yourself time and space to grieve so that you can process the separation and disconnection should be your first priority in your journey of moving on.

There’s always a sense of disappointment, abandonment, and displacement that comes from this type of loss that can directly affect your sense of self and identity deeply. After all, you didn’t just lose that person in your life, you also lost the idea of your future together and ‘What could have been!’ At one point in time, you saw your life, everything you knew, wished, and planned for with that other person being part of the picture. So, allowing yourself that grieving period is imperative to acknowledging and accepting that they’re no longer there. This is the first step to truly moving on.

And whilst you’re going through that process of grieving;

  • Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally. Be it family or sometimes friends, all that matters is that you make sure you’re being loved on! Make sure you’re allowing yourself to receive that love and more importantly feel worthy of it.
  • Keep a journal. I won’t call it a gratitude journal, just write! Write whatever you like, it can be things you’re grateful for,  it can be words that comfort you, it can be lyrics to songs that help you express how you feel in that moment, it can even be a letter to yourself or whomever. Writing will help you put things into perspective. It will help you see things clearly and will also help to compartmentalise your feelings.
  • Move. This might be the last thing you want to do, but staying active and taking care of yourself might be the best practice of self-care you can do whilst going through a breakup. Start a new routine, experiment with new classes, or go for walks! The point is, get those endorphins going and release…
  • Spend time in nature. There’s something about nature that instantly reminds us of how small we actually are in this world and sometimes, that is the perspective and the grounding that you need. It helps you gain the clarity that even though this moment in time feels huge to you, it really is just another experience you’re going through and like all others, you’ll absolutely come out on the other side of it. 

The good news is, once you’re on the other side, I promise you, you’ll actually come out of that dark season as a much better person. It’s funny how breakups have the power to change our standards. They really pinpoint the things that we should pay attention to, the patterns that we allow, and the habits that we always seem to fall into. And once you’ve gone through it and, I mean, really gone through it (grieving, learning, and ultimately empowering yourself), you’ll be so much more prepared for whatever is coming your way next.

You’ll be in full control and what you require and deserve from others will be clearer than ever! It’s also the perfect time to reinvent and reframe yourself! So do it! Start building the life that YOU want, unapologetically and wholeheartedly. Use all of that breakup energy and the things you know now to move differently.

You got this!

Continue Reading: How to Forgive and Forget Someone Who Hurt You