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22 Aug

Unofficial besties: why we tell our darkest secrets to our beauty tech

Written by Chelsea Nyirenda

Image by Lucero

Sometimes I can’t tell my bestie the crazy things I did the night before, But I can always tell my nail tech. Honestly, I can tell any of my beauty technicians. I don’t know if it’s because of the bed, or the aroma from the diffuser, but it just feels like a safe space. Appointment time is very similar to a therapy session, it’s just a lot cheaper and I can’t take their advice to heart because they are not licensed therapists, sometimes they aren’t even licensed beauticians, lol. But they provide that space for me and it’s very appreciated. I like to call them my unofficial besties. 

It’s like selfcare on another level, I dish, they may spill, and we just have this level of trust that is unwarranted but definitely present. Maybe my esthetician is telling my deepest secrets to her next customer, but at least I know her next customer isn’t one of my friends. 

As I’m writing this I have to ask myself, why cant I tell my friends some of my secrets? And the real question is, why do you tell your friends any of your secrets? I believe in confiding in my friends but I also believe in holding space for my own self. Sometimes I tell a friend something that I haven’t worked through or I haven’t forgiven myself for, but it is now fair game for conversation. That sometimes interrupts the process that I have with myself, and invalidates boundaries I’ve set up to protect myself from having conversations openly before I’m ready. Why don’t I have those boundaries with my technician? Maybe because I don’t see her but once every three weeks, or maybe because I know she doesn’t really care. 

I also believe that our friends will sometimes hold our grudges for us, I may be able to release and forgive a friend – but my bestie, not so much. Our friends are also protectors of our peace and well being, we have to be very careful with spilling tea that we know we’re going to go back and clean up. Leaving your ex is your choice and your burden, taking your ex back is your choice and your burden, lol. Make those decisions in private, or with your hair stylist. Do not include your best friend who is still holding on to the fact that you stole her Barbie clothes in the 2nd grade, she’s never forgotten that love, and most likely still hasn’t forgiven you for it. Use this as a navigator for what you can and cannot tell them. 

Outside of relationship drama, we have the secrets of our dreams and goals. We sometimes speak too soon, and invite people into our consciousness before we fully believe in ourselves. Your self confidence is detrimental to your will power and grit to face the obstacles that come with chasing and embracing your dreams. A naysayer is quick to make sure you believe you don’t have enough endurance for the race, sadly sometimes that naysayer is your friend. Not always are they trying to break you down, but sometimes our friends don’t want to be left behind or forgotten, so they place reigns on you, and do their best to keep you where you are. Please believe that, I know we all want to believe that our friends and family have our best interest at heart, but some people don’t. Some people are proud of you and others are afraid of you. Keep your peace, by keeping your secrets. I’m not encouraging a “head down” mentality or method, but I am encouraging you to depend on yourself for reassurance and motivation. Tell your friends as you achieve, not how you plan to achieve. They’re already rooting for you if they are a good friend.

So what have we learned ? If you take nothing away from this at all, I hope you learn that where you find a level headed, trustworthy, emotionally intelligent and accountable Beauty Technician – you find your cheapest therapist lol, and maybe even an unofficial bestie <3 

Inspired and Dedicated to my best friend, Jala Carter