4 tips for women who want to shoot their shot

4 April, 2023 / words by IALH Editorial Team

Written by Kelle Salle

Image by @ntombimoyo

When women shooting their shot became a thing, I was mortified. First of all, I didn’t think it was something we should do because men have always made the first move so why change that? Secondly, a whole lot of vulnerability is needed because shooting your shot can go one of two ways and the reality is that you will have to prepare yourself for both outcomes. Even though there are many women out there who feel totally comfortable shooting their shot, it’s still a big deal for those of us who are a little shy or just haven’t met someone they really like yet.

We’ve asked Psychotherapist and Content Creator Freda Nomo to share some insight on how to shoot your shot, the things you need to take into consideration and how to shoot your shot again when you’ve been turned down.

What does it mean to shoot your shot?

Shooting your shot means to go after your desires with a confident manner.

Why do you think some women struggle to shoot their shot?

Shooting your shot requires a level of confidence and self-belief. Society has conditioned us to believe that only men should take the first step when approaching someone they like, but times have changed.

What are some things women should take into consideration if they decide to shoot their shot?

Emotional availability – It’s important to think about whether you’re actually ready to date because dating requires a lot of energy. It’s also worth thinking about your ‘why’ – do you want a relationship or are you looking for something casual?

Interest – Has your potential match shown an interest? Take note of their body language and whether they’re giving you any eye contact

Timing – timing is important when shooting your shot. If the interest is there and the communication is good then it’s time to think about your approach – will you slide in the DMs or will you approach them in person?

Be yourself – Show up as your authentic self. Don’t try to be someone you are not.

What advice would you give to women who want to shoot their shot but aren’t sure what to do?

Timing is everything. Also think about how you will approach him and how you will make your interest known.

How do you know if you’ve been successful at shooting your shot?

Look for the simple things – do they reply to your messages? Do they communicate consistently? If they take a genuine interest in you as a person and want to spend more time with you then you’ve been successful. 

What should you keep in mind if you do shoot your shot and aren’t successful?

Rejection is a part of dating. There may be times where a potential match is not ready to date – maybe they’re already in a relationship or maybe they want to focus on themselves. If you get a no, that is not a cue to try and change their mind. Keep it moving.

What should you do about shooting your shot again when you have been turned down?

It’s ok to  feel anxious, fearful or even embarrassed about shooting your shot again, so work on processing your past experience to manage those feelings of anxiety. Self-reflection might also help you assess your approach and be honest with yourself about whether you are ready to shoot your shot again.


IALH Editorial Team


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