5 tips on how to flirt effectively

25 October, 2023 / words by Leah

Image via: @edwiggery

It’s safe to say that the way we flirt and respond to flirting is constantly changing. Whether you’re mysteriously staring at someone from across the room before becoming engrossed in a flirtatious conversation or sliding into someone’s DMs after liking multiple pictures one after the other, how we individually flirt always varies – particularly in the age of social media.

“With the rise of technology, flirting seems to be less about making witty comments to a stranger at a bar and more about sending salacious photos via text or “sliding into DMs” on social media,” says Sarah Intelligator, relationship expert and author of Live, Laugh, Find
True Love. “Flirting is ostensibly more blunt and less mysterious or subtle.”

“But the art of flirting is making someone want more by offering a small glimpse of an admirable characteristic or quality.”

At a time where flirting can mean different things to different people, understanding the art of flirting and just what makes it such a great little skill is key – but what are some of the key factors when it comes to flirting effectively?

We asked Intelligator to share her 5 key tips to taking your flirting game to the next level: Make eye contact
It might sound obvious, but making eye contact is a key element of the flirting experience that often goes ignored. “Making eye contact shows confidence and interest,” says Intelligator. “For those who are shy and struggle to make eye contact, offer a look and a smile to make a clear indication that you’re attracted to the person you want to flirt with”.

Give a glimpse into who you are

The first step might be physical attraction, but it’s your other qualities that you want to let shine when flirting with someone. “Pull back the curtain and offer a sneak peak into who you are,” says Intelligator. “Identify your best features. Is it your intelligence? Are you funny? Are you witty? Showcase that.”

Less is more

No one likes a “pick me” or someone who is desperate for attention – least of all when flirting with someone. “Flirting does not mean doing the most in order to get attention,” says Intelligator. “Flirting means you reveal very little, leaving the other person wanting to see more.” Striking the balance between subtly but directness is key when flirting and is something to bear in mind for your next flirtatious exchange.

Don’t get dejected

Now, these tips are not always going to work in your favour – but it’s important to not let that stop you from perfecting your flirting game.“If you put yourself out there and your flirtation is not well-received, do not get dejected,” advises Intelligator. “This is not a testament to your

flirting skills. You may have been flirting with the wrong person. Do not allow one wrong person to negatively affect your self-esteem.”

Be yourself

When it comes down to it, being yourself is the most important part of flirting. Whether you’re overly flirtatious or naturally shy, lean into your authentic self when flirting and allow the person to see you for who you are. “If, at the very outset, you pretend to be someone or something you are not, the relationship isn’t going anywhere,” says Intelligator. “Be yourself. If this person doesn’t like it, then they are not right for you. On to the next!”




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