Written by Sinéad Minkah
Image by @coileray
Dear Introverted huns….. welcome to dating 101.
Having courted every creed, colour and collectible during my time in the dating world, I finally decided to hang up my gloves and get married last year. However as someone who loved the dating game, it’s only right that I join IALH to bring the best dating tools and tricks to our hun’s around the world!
The first question you must ask yourself is: ‘Do you want to be in the same position you are in right now this time next year?’ The second thing you must tell yourself is: ‘Honey don’t shake the table, unless you’re ready to get shook!’ word to K.Michelle.
If you’re not ready to feel some slight discomfort, some unease and even some shaking, hun, the dating lifestyle may not be for you. But, take heart because it’s often the shaking that reveals the opportunities that you couldn’t see before!
Famous outspoken introverts
To begin, we must dispel the myth that people are all naturally ‘good’ at dating. It takes time and skill to navigate the dating world because choosing a life partner is not a small decision and people can be hard work!
If you are an introvert, it does not mean that you do not possess great social skills or that you can’t come outside of your comfort zone. Some famous introverts that can back me up are the late Eleanor Roosevelt and Rosa Parks. Both of these women were well known introverts. Eleanor Roosevelt was described ‘as a woman who enjoyed her own company’, but gave over 348 press conferences during her time as first lady. Rosa Parks was also referred to as ‘soft spoken and timid’ but Ms Parks let people all over America know she was going to have a seat on that bus!
The core skills that these women drew upon, which made them so good with people, are the same transferable skills that create a successful date.
So here are some essential tools that can advance your dating life…..
1. Break your routine
This goes to the route of even finding a date in the first place. It seems like a simple advice, but introverts tend to love their schedule and ‘their way of doing things’. Introverts are the ones that will rush home to eat an avocado that’s ripe when their boss is finally paying for drinks! Your future spouse is not going to come through your window and propose, so unless you want to date a burglar, you need to get out of your house! Take a closer look at your routine, try the odd boxing class, football match or any event where you can see more PEOPLE.
2. Date with a purpose
You have to know what you want to get out of the game, you must have a purpose meaning a reason bigger than yourself. It can’t be a short-term loneliness fix, it needs to be a long-term vision. Dating with purpose means you have a life calling and are looking for the right person to assist you on that journey.
3. Keep courage in your purse
Courage is key, because you’re going into the unknown. Courage does not mean that you don’t have any fears, but that you proceed in the midst of fear. What does courage look like? It’s leading a conversation, sharing something a little bit deeper than your norm, or doing a new activity on a date. Studies show new activities build confidence, improve mental health and help build satisfying memories.
4. Get feedback
HONEST FEEDBACK one thing that many of us are not aware of is how we come across. Ask someone who you recently met, “How did I come across when we first met?”. That first impression is usually the vibe you’re giving off on a date, be aware of it and make the necessary adjustments.
5. Do your research
As our founder likes to say ‘Do your Googles’! If you can look up the place you are going on a date beforehand. Check if your heels will wobble on the floors, check the lighting of the place, its way more settling when you know what situation you’re walking into.
6. Mini dates
I remember when I realised how much makeup I wasted going immediately on a dinner date with someone I barely knew. Don’t always jump straight into a big dinner date, build up conversation with someone do a mini date, a walk in a park, a coffee, so there is less pressure when you see them.
Finally huns, as we know it’s a new year, I have found that many people (not just introverts) do not often go on dates because of a previous bad experience. Listen to me carefully: THE WORST THING an ex can do is keep you from getting new ting! You’re going to have to forgive that person, forgive yourself so you can approach the date fresh and not apprehensive. Let go of what is behind so you can grab hold of what’s coming with both hands!
We wish you love and success huns! Go out and shake those tables! Class is dismissed.