Written by Sinéad Banful
Image by @Ciara
One thing about our founder that many of us love is her openness and authenticity with those around her, whether it be followers, readers, brands, and the like. Here at ‘it’s a lifestyle hun’ you’re not going to get very far if you’re not prepared to hear the truth, whether it be about a beauty product or a restaurant, you can’t build a lifestyle on falseness hun, well, of course, you can for a year or two but at some point, things will start to crumble. My point is, this article will require you to be open and truthful with yourself, but I can guarantee you that if you are willing to be open, you will truly gain something from this piece.
When the singer and entertainer Ciara married NFL football player Russell Wilson many people couldn’t believe the fairy-tale story. Ciara went from a very unpleasant public break-up to a picture-perfect marriage, with a man that agreed to be celibate with her throughout their relationship, marrying her within the space of two years. A few Met Gala’s and a few kids later, Ciara’s story has women around the world screaming the same five words ‘tell us the prayer sis’! Whether you are of the Christian faith or not, stories like Ciara’s have many of us thinking that this relationship clearly had some divine intervention. Those of us who are really into popular culture know that to go from Future to Russell Wilson is like Night and Day, it’s like going from dating Ghost in Power to Richard Gear in Pretty Woman. Although we know life is not a movie let’s make something clear, you can have the best hun’s if you are prepared to believe that you are worthy of it!
As a relationship writer and now as I prepare for my own marriage, I thought it was important to share a common formula that I can see in both Ciara’s journey and many other women who have been able to go from Ghost to Gear in the same lifetime! This formula does not only apply to relationships but also can be transferred to any scenario where you are asking for a complete 180 in life, you could be seeking a job transformation, you could even be unemployed but wanting a huge promotion, you could be at the point where a relationship has come to an end and you truly want the next one to be THE ONE. Either way, if you’re ready for the change, buckle your seat belt and put on your Burberry shades because this is going to be a whistle-stop tour in transformational life coaching!
Preparation
The first part of the formula that many people don’t know about is preparation. This often requires a level of delusion or as I like to call it vision. If you are asking for something new or something transformative, you have to ask yourself do I even have room for this in my life? You have to make room for what you’re asking for, practically this looks like …. creating a registered company before you even get the funding, stopping communication with the old ex so you can meet your new man, clearing out your wardrobe, or packing up all your books and bags as if you are moving into a new house. You see life comes fast huns and you need to make sure your blessing is able to recognize you dressed and ready to go; not in the dressing gown that you wore while you mourned last year’s disappointments.
Openness and acceptance
Many people don’t know that Steve Jobs was fired from Apple for a period of time after a series of bad decisions and products; yes Steve was tossed out of his own brainchild. Instead of standing still Steve took the time off and learned new skills, calligraphy was one of these skills which later produced companies we now call Pixar and the like. Many of us would never be able to walk away from a company we built, or a relationship we had put years and years into, but in order to truly upgrade you must be willing to accept necessary endings and that there are new things out there for you to learn. We must be ready to close the door so that new ones can open.
Growing pains
When something comes to an end, a break–up or a break down human nature often pushes us to blame. Blame the person or the company where we were, name and shame all the ‘Promises’ they broke. However, what is far more productive is to have a meeting with yourself and really consider what you did to contribute to the breakdown. You cannot change the person or the company what you can change huns is yourself and your position. I once heard a podcast about a number of climbers who were determined to reach a point of Mount Everest that had never been reached before. Year after year climbers would die in the pursuit of this peak. One day in a press conference one of the climbers was asked “Why do you keep going back up Mount Everest?” The climber replied “the reason we will continue to go back and the reason we will one day conquer Mount Everest is because Mount Everest will never change, but we will”, Mount Everest may never change huns, Mount Everest may never apologize but we can change, we can grow, we can adapt and come up with a spreadsheet of ways to conquer Mount Everest.
The Mirror Test
This is by far the most important part of the formula that many people never apply and is often why many people are still waiting for that ‘Level-up’ that often doesn’t occur. When you ask for a specific quality in a partner you must ask whether you possess the character that can protect and cultivate that quality. If you are asking for a man that provides security you must ask yourself if you are a trustworthy woman? If you are asking for a man who takes the lead you must ask if you are willing to not be so controlling and if you’re asking for a person who gives you unconditional love, you must be willing to show both yourself and others mercy and forgiveness. The constant that I often see in many relationships is that people often are asking for a quality that they often do not possess or are reluctant to develop, patience, understanding, and the like.
The stages of this journey are exactly that, stages, looking within is often hard and we are not here to say that it is easy or that you must be perfect, however, if you are willing to back up your prayer with courage, to look inside and grow in these areas you will receive MORE than THE ANSWER in various areas of your life.
