Written and Image by Nelly
You may never be ready to welcome a child, no matter how many nephews and nieces you’ve babysat, the millions of books you’ve read, the lessons you’ve taken. It can’t be learned, and therefore can’t be controlled. I have always been one of those who thought I could manage everything if I was informed enough on the matter. Although after I gave birth, I quickly realized that this stage of my life was going to call my whole existence into question. If you’re also the type to think you can do anything without needing help, don’t be stubborn, it would be silly to sink into a deep depression when this moment is clearly one of the most precious of your life.
Oh and also, put your life in order and especially your mental and personal balance before thinking about motherhood. I know, there’s no perfect time to have a child, but one thing’s for sure: the more organized you are, the fewer hardships you’ll experience. It’s like any relationship, whether romantic, professional or even friendly, you must know who you are and especially where you want to go before committing to it. The trick is to know yourself. And know yourself enough to know what you are capable of (or not), and above all to assume it. My past and my mistakes helped me to sense who Nelly really was, to become aware and recognize my flaws. To have an even more precise idea of the future I wanted. With these keys in hand, your shots are necessarily straighter, fairer. You will achieve your goals faster. Even being prepared and organized, you take a beating. Imagine had I come out of nowhere without having read a single line on the subject, I feel like it would have been much worse.
At first, the days pass so quickly that you forget who you are and how you got there. The doubts and questions become more and more each day… And you finally realize what it means to raise a child. You start looking at your parents differently. You’re kinder to them remembering the shitty behavior you had when you were a teenager. You deeply hope that this little life you have in your hands will be kinder to you, but that, only the future will tell us.
Joking aside, my goal here is not to scare you but to make you realize that when people say “It’s not gambling” It’s really not gambling. Motherhood made me use a part of my “survival mode” brain that I wasn’t even aware existed, and that I’m still discovering 10 months later. An “alert” mode active at all times that gives you superhero-like abilities. No joke. You only sleep a few hours a night but the adrenaline keeps you awake like never before. I looked like I was just crazy. ” A real delirium.”
I must admit that motherhood turned upside down a lot more things in my mind than I would have thought. At first, I didn’t really understand what was going on. I wondered about absolutely everything. I lost the desire to share, or at least to share the same way I used to on social media. It’s as if my goal was no longer the same, it had to take on more meaning. I thought to myself, what are you doing here? It was as if my creativity, all of my ideas nurtured over the past few years were leaving me. I wanted more. It’s only now that I realize it was a step towards a more assertive self. A new life implies new questions, of course. This moment is intense, violent and beautiful at the same time. It shatters you, breaks you and finally reshapes you to produce a new version of you.
With that, motherhood has its fair share of little ailments. “Bullet, stretch marks, orange peel skin, extra pounds”. But I assure you they are so small, these discomforts compared to the intensity of the relationship with this little being. I’ve always been afraid of what my body would look like after pregnancy. But today, I think to myself: “what a hottie you are, that baby was there, it’s just normal for your body to change. It is just as beautiful, and even more! Stop your nonsense, Bitch!”
It is an adventure that leaves no one unscathed. It helps you better define yourself. I liked all the versions of myself, the flaws, the qualities but I like this one more especially. I’m only at the beginning of my journey, but it promises to be particularly interesting.
